A Spider Came Calling

Spiders are stupid or very bold

I don’t know which one

The truth be told.

At any rate, yesterday evening as

I was doing my dishes

A spider dropped in to say, "Hi;"

He didn’t send a postcard

Or a text to let me know he was on his way

He just dropped into my kitchen

In front of my face

To ruin my day.

And he didn’t have time to

Convey his well wishes

Because, with a loud gasp, I started screaming

And I tried to be brave and catch that rascal

in a cup

But he was having none of that

So I dropped that cup and

Kept screaming for my husband

While flapping my gloved hands,

And folks, let me tell you that I

Was screaming to beat the band, and

Some kind of way my gloves went sailing

Over behind the deep freezer

And I cleared that kitchen

As fast as a person who

Suffers from arachnophobia can!

I don’t remember crossing the living room

Nor going down the hall

For that part of my journey

I just don't recall.

When I came to myself, I

Was stripping clothes off left and right

Because that spider had gotten out of my sight

And I knew one thing, he was gonna

Be dead meat if I found him on me!

I remember flapping my hands and shrieking

As only a person who is afraid of spiders can

(And Y'all know I have a special daughter

Well, thank GOD, she slept through

The whole melee!)

But I wasn't studying her and nobody else

I was gonna get that spider off of me!

(sigh) After I showered, I was done with

My screaming and the spider induced tears

Too bad that water could not wash away

Arachnophobic fears.

I can laugh about it now

But let me tell you one thing,

I don’t like spiders

And spiders don’t like me

And that thing was not welcome

To drop down in front of my eye

As I washed my dishes,

As if he came to say, "Hi."

He really was quite bold

Or gone nuts with web riding glee

The nerve, dropping down to eye level

I wonder what he thought

That my reaction would be?

Didn’t he know that I would scream

And want to beat him

Until a grease spot was the only

Remains of him I could see

Because I don’t like spiders

And I don’t think spiders like me

And I wish they all would get this bulletin

To leave this woman be!

Later, My husband asked me if I

Wanted him to finish the dishes

Do you know what I wanted to cry?

I wanted to yell that I didn’t

Care what he did with those dishes

He could pitch them all out the door

As far as I was concerned!

(sigh) Yes, the dishes got washed

And I am now as calm as a

Shocked and hysterical woman can be

So, I thought I would tell you

About my harrowing tale

And give you a moment or two of hilarity

And help my self, as well

Because writing lessens my cares

Without fail.

If my tale made you laugh, then

That is a good thing to hear and see

Because I have helped you to build

Some always welcome and needed endorphins
(Tee hee)

I don’t like spiders, and spiders don’t like me

And I wish this would go out on spider radar

So that all spiders would let me be!

Well!...©

********

Laugh if you want to. I did this morning. But it was more of a nervous laugh of relief.

Be safe.

 

Walking by faith,

Alma L. Stepping On Carr-Jones

 

Note: (This spider thing with me goes back to the age of ten. I don't think that I ever saw a spider except for a grandaddy long-legged before then. Then we moved into a house that had a peachtree growing very close to the house with branches that grew over a portion of the roof and a window that stayed up all of the time in the summer and a good portion of the fall. Anyway, that is a portion of a tale for perhaps another day.)